I started to write a book because I thought I had something to say. When I submitted it to Malcolm Down Publishing it was because I thought I had a finished product that was ready to be published. But it seems that God had a different idea.
Twice in my life I’ve encountered authors who have gone through the exact same experiences that they were writing about. One was writing about ‘living by faith’ in terms of finances and at the time everything seemed to go pear-shaped in their own finances – the result was a penultimate chapter called ‘What do to when it all goes wrong’. The other friend was writing about overcoming challenges and living the victorious life. He found out he had skin cancer and continued to write all through his treatment until he was cancer free. He told me he believed there would be an anointing on the book because of that.
At first, I was not very impressed when I submitted my darling, precious, ‘perfect-in-my-eyes’ manuscript to a publisher only to be told that they thought something was missing. They were right, of course, and all I could think was ‘Typical!’ At the time, there were a lot of significant issues in my life that God wanted me to deal with but I was doing a good job of ignoring Him. To be honest, I was content to struggle on through life, ignoring the issues and living with the pain – because facing it could be even more painful.
So I smiled because I thought – ‘It is just like God to do something like this!’ To provide for me that extra motivation to deal with my stuff, confront my pain and sort my life out. It wasn’t enough for me to face this stuff for my own sake, I needed nothing short of a potential publishing deal to motivate me!
Have you heard the story of the dog who sat yapping in his front yard till someone asked his owner ‘What’s up with your dog?’ and the owner said ‘He’s sitting on a rusty nail.’ The first guy asks, ‘Why doesn’t he just move?’ and the owner replied, ‘It doesn’t hurt that much.’ Sometimes we can be so stubborn or lazy or fearful or … whatever… that we put up with pain instead of finding a way to move on. But when we find the courage to do something about it, we realise it is possible.
For me, what followed was 8 months of ‘author coaching’/counselling and at the end, some re-writing. It was brilliant and painful and tiring and restful and strange and wonderful all at the same time. And it totally transformed me from the desperately sad place I was in at the start. My counsellor, Sarah Grace, would say ‘even if it wasn’t for the book, going through this process will turn out to be so worthwhile!’ It took a long time before I believed her. At first I thought ‘Yeah right! If it wasn’t for the book, there’s no way I’d be going through this.’ But by the end I completely agreed. Even if I didn’t have a book to show for it, the transformed life I will now live was well worth facing my pain and learning how to work through it and move on.
Towards the end of the 8 months, I looked back and saw something fascinating. I realised that God was taking me through very similar lessons that I had already written about in my manuscript – Looking for Love. I had written about the desperation of being single and wanting a husband and the process God took me through to see marriage as He sees it, to rely on Him as my Source and enjoy the gift a relationship brings without it being the crowning achievement in life. Now I found the same principles applied to my life in a different way. The first time around, in Looking for Love, God brought me to place where I could trust Jesus the friend and lover and Lord with my heart, my relationships and any future possible marriage. This time I needed to learn to trust God the Father with my life’s purpose and meaning and with my work, my time, the ‘stuff that I do’ while the kids are at school. Each time, it was about trusting God to take care of my needs and dealing with all the blockages in my life that were causing me to doubt that.
I don’t know that every writer has had or will have the same kind of experience as I did. But I do hope that what my old author friend told me was true – that as a result of living through what I was writing, Looking for Love will have a bigger impact on people’s lives than if I had ignored my publisher and stubbornly sat on my rusty nail.
If you are looking for counselling or author coaching, I highly recommend Sarah Grace as a wonderful, insightful, thoughtful and gifted counsellor who will work face-to-face or remotely via internet. (We met face to face once, then Skyped on my iPad every 2 weeks for 1 hour - it was great!)